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8 Ways to Defeat Your Fears of Being Gay

Everyone should enjoy and be proud of their sexuality. Being gay is normal and you should love yourself and stand out for who you are

Gay people are no different from straight people, they only differ on matters of sexual orientation. This article provides you with ways to defeat the fears of being gay, because the bottom line is, there is nothing to fear because you are who you are.

There is no abnormality in being gay. Although you may fear coming out to your family and friends or fear rejection and discrimination, that should not prevent you from enjoying who you really are.

Every gay person should be happy and embrace their sexual orientations without fear.

Overcoming Fears of Being Gay

Here are the top steps to take to overcome the fears of being gay: 

Be Around Others

Most gay men isolate themselves from fellow gays and queer people for various reasons. For example, when you are still in the closet, you are scared of being associated with queer people.

However, the fear of isolating from fellow gay or queer may not vanish after coming out, in some cases, it gets worse.

Internalized homophobia leads many queer and gay men to recreate their closets even after coming out by isolating themselves from others, especially those who are confident.

Of course, you do not need to over-participate in gay bars, but you must spend time with other gay men to overcome the fear of being gay.

You can spend time watching gay movies with friends or participate in a gay sport. You may not need a whole bunch of queer friends, but at least have a friend who you can talk to about sex and relationships – someone like you.

Chill out in a gay bar, even if you don’t feel comfortable. Chat with others through social media and in person. Just make friends with queer people and your fear will disappear.

Keep a Journal

Writing will help you tackle your fear and identify your expectations in life. Spend some time writing about how you were attracted to various people and how they made you feel.

What experiences would you like to have with them? Write it down. If you want to keep the information a secret, go on and hide your journal but keep it safe. After a few years, it will help you realize how far you’ve come and how well you overcame your fear.

Do Not Be Scared of Having Sex

Participate in sex activities as much as you want, just ensure that it is safe. You might not have met someone telling you this, but, am glad I did.

You own your body. No one should dictate to you how often you can have sex. If you feel like it, go for it. However, if you are not yet ready for sex, you should wait until you are.

Participating in sexual activities means you are brave and admit who you are. It’s through mistakes that you get the courage to defeat any sort of fear and enjoy life.

Related: What Does Consent Look Like and Why Is It Important?

Overcoming Fears of Being Gay – Hurt

There is a time you need someone to hurt you so that you can know what to fight for. Your nemesis can be your parents or someone close to you. Hurt lights up things that matter.

We don’t progress when everything is smooth. You will learn to embrace your sexuality once everyone close to you tells you is wrong. It can take longer to heal. But eventually, it will and you will come out strong.

Prioritize Masturbation

Get into your own body time and again. Masturbation is no less than sex itself, you are the only person that can make yourself feel amazingly good. Purchase a sex toy or pay for wonderful porn, just focus on pleasuring yourself a little each day.

Use a good lube and get down to it. Put on some sexy music and focus on the feeling. It’s your body and you have full control over it. For just a few minutes daily for self-love.

Do No Worry about Words and Labels

Do not pay much attention to which label fits you. Whether gay or bisexual, straight and questioning, pansexual, queer or asexual, that shouldn’t bother you.

If you suspect you are not what you are supposed to be or you need to be someone else, give yourself some time. As time goes by, you can try different labels and words before finding your actual label.

Overcoming Fears of Being Gay – Find “Check-in” People

They don’t have to be frequently seen people, in fact, you should not see them daily. You need a few people with more years as gay people to check in with you after every few months.

Check-in people are the most important people and sometimes can be even closer than family. Find a gay person with experience on how to go about the challenges of being gay. Someone who is there for you and understands your mistakes without judging. Call them occasionally and see them as a mentor.

It’s not easy to find one, but once you do, call them whenever you need someone to talk to and pour out your heart.

Confront Those Who Shamed You

You either confront those who have shamed you or leave the matter unattended. You would not have the internalized homophobia unless someone used hurtful language.

You are faking, gay sex is disgusting, you are not mentally fit, we hate you, you can’t feel real love. These are some of the words that people throw at gay and queer people. Words that leave a scar on one’s life.

You should confront them or be independent so that you can be safe. Unless they accept who you truly are, you have no business being around them suffering.

Overcoming Fears of Being Gay

Everyone should enjoy and be proud of their sexuality. Being gay is normal and you should love yourself and stand out for who you are. As said earlier, you should not fear because there is nothing to fear.

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Samuel Njoroge

MODEL: Samuel Njoroge

Samuel (he/him) is a freelance writer, blogger, copywriter, and marketer. And a career spanning three years and enjoys crafting error-free content that increases subscriptions and sales. Samuel excels in mental health, self-improvement, technology, and marketing topics.