The LGBTQ+ spectrum features various identities, including greysexuality (gray-asexuality, gray-A, or gray-ace). Since greysexuality isn’t as commonly spoken about or has visibility as other LGBTQ+ identities, you may wonder if a therapist can talk to you about your identity. This article will explore the concept of greysexuality and provide options for finding the right therapist to talk to about your identity.
What is Graysexuality?
Graysexuality is under the asexuality umbrella and is a fluid identity. It is described, according to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) as
“Someone who does not experience sexual attraction or an intrinsic desire to have sexual connections.”
These sexual identities differ in the following ways:
- The absence of sexual attraction is asexuality.
- Graysexuality is known as infrequent or weak sexual arousal.
However, asexual or ‘greysexual’ is more complex than just having a low sex drive or desire.
Libido, aka sex drive, and sexual attraction, are actually two different concepts. Sexual attraction is the desire to have sex with someone due to feelings of attraction. Libido is the hormonal desire for sexual pleasure.
Low libido can occur for anyone. In some cases, those who identify as asexual or graysexual can have a high libido, but their desire may not be strong enough to engage in sex.
Am I Graysexual?
Greysexuality is a unique experience for every individual. However, there are some common greysexual characteristics:
- Not seeing sexual attraction as a priority when choosing a romantic partner
- Not believing that sex is the most crucial aspect of a relationship
- Feeling sexual attraction at times, but not constantly.
- Showing love and affection for your partner in a non-sexual way.
In addition, there’s no specific test that will tell you if you identify as greysexual. However, if you are curious if you fall within the umbrella, ask yourself:
- How often do I experience sexual attraction?
- When I do have sexual attraction, how intense is it?
- Do I need to feel sexual attraction to have a relationship with someone?
- How do I show affection, and is sex a significant factor?
- What are my feelings regarding sex?
- Do I feel pressure to want and enjoy sex, or do I actually like it and enjoy it?
- How comfortable would I feel identifying as asexual or allosexual? Why or why not?
Remember, when considering these questions, there are no right or wrong answers. Not every greysexual person is the same, and anyone would answer each of these questions differently due to varying experiences and emotions. However, reflecting on these questions can be a good start in processing your emotions and how you experience attraction.
What Are Some Resources for Graysexuality?
There are many accessible resources about graysexuality online. You can check out this article we wrote at LGBTQ and All that outlines graysexuality. In addition, there are other online resources and support groups that you can join on Facebook, Reddit, and other platforms.
These groups will provide advice and connections with people who understand and might be going through a similar experience. You can also find other people on social media to talk to or relevant informational posts.
Other Ways to Embrace Graysexual Identity
As mentioned, graysexuality isn’t represented as often as other sexual identities. In essence, there is less of a comprehensive discussion about this identity. As a result, coming out as graysexual can be a challenging and scary experience. But, according to Beverly D Buchanan, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Minnesota, here is a step you can take:
“For the more introverted individual, I would suggest they read and process and then read some more. A lot of people will tell them to ‘get out there’ and ‘find their people,’ but that is very daunting when they feel like they are a unicorn in a world of horses. It’s easier to ‘get out there’ once you have enough information to feel secure in your identity, or at least secure enough to talk about your struggle with or curiosity about your identity.”
For more extroverted people, you can go straight to the meet-up section of these groups to feel more connected.
How Do I Find the Right Therapist to Talk to About Graysexuality?
At LGBTQ and All, we have an extensive database that features qualified mental health professionals that work with LGBTQ+ people of all identities. All the therapists on our database have been screened and verified to ensure you have a safe space for talking about your identity.
If you are a mental health practitioner who has spoken to greysexual clients before and is LGBTQ+-friendly, we encourage you to sign up for our database to reach more clients.
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The first month of the subscription is free with an affordable price of USD 19.99/monthly after your 30-day trial. After that, you can cancel your subscription at any time.
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Takeaway
Even though graysexuality is under the asexuality umbrella, it has its own distinct characteristics. For example, a person who identifies as greysexual has limited experiences when it comes to sexual attraction. In addition, greysexual people may or may not consider graysexuality their primary identity. If you think you may be greysexual, there are many resources where you can learn more and find support from others.
