From media portrayals to discussions with your friends, we’re somehow made to think that sleeping separately is a sign that your relationship or sex life is failing or somehow in trouble. We (and many others) believe the exact opposite.
Sleeping separately is a way to make your relationship healthier. Sleep is a precious, precious thing, and we could all use more of it. In a perfect world, partners would have sleep habits that are as in-sync as their chemistry. But most of the time, that’s not the case. Some of us kick or talk in our sleep, while other snores. People go to sleep at different times. Things happen!
Still, there’s such a stigma attached to couples sleeping in different beds or bedrooms. It’s hard to imagine why. Two well-rested individuals are more likely to treat each other better and be happier. Two people constantly waking each other up and being sleep-deprived, however, aren’t likely to be their best selves in a relationship. Still, lovers feel like they might completely miss each other if they’re sleeping separately and waking up at different times. No need to fret, though; we have a bevy of coping mechanisms and tactics to make sure your relationship doesn’t just survive from this – it thrives more than ever before.
Bringing You Closer
Whether it’s with a casual partner, a spouse, or a long-term relationship, sleeping separately can benefit your mental and physical health. Making this move can help you be more honest, and help you communicate with your partner better. For this to work, you have to tell the other person exactly what you want and need. But this is a healthy foundation for absolutely any relationship in your life that you can think of. So anything to help you better learn those tools is actually a savior, not a sign of trouble in paradise. Get comfy with having long talks, where you drop your walls and get vulnerable for a minute.
Better Sex Life
You don’t have to miss out on the snuggles when you doze in different places – just get them in before or after you count those sheep. The same goes for sex. When both parties are sleeping better, they’ll be in a better mood more frequently, which will in turn put them “in the mood” more frequently. If you’re worried about losing out on intimacy, you can always turn the event into a date night, watching a movie with the person in bed afterward before sneaking off and getting some sleep. Bring them breakfast in bed…in your underwear.
When you sleep in the same bed, there can be a sense of expectation around sex. But partners don’t always go to sleep at the same time and aren’t always on the same page when it comes to their sex life. Intentionally scheduling it or wandering into your partner’s bedroom will guarantee more results than unsuccessful romp attempts when one party might be stressed or tired. More sleep also means a boosted desire for sex!
FaceTime From Different Rooms
A great way to spice up your sex life is when sleeping separately is to make use of your phone or tablet. Maybe start by sending your partner naughty pictures of yourself in lingerie, or the nude. You can FaceTime them from a saucy angle, or invite them to your bedroom for some fun. If you’re married, kicking your partner out to get some sleep afterward can take you back to that dating stage. You can even fantasize that you’re having a one-night stand! Sleeping in the same bed can be boring, so this is a useful way to re-infuse that spark.
Investing in a Two-bedroom
This might not be the sexiest to talk about, but it’s important. Real estate decisions need to be made with sleep in mind. Though that’s not always the first thing on a couple’s mind when they’re renting or buying. Investing in a two-bedroom means investing in your long-term happiness. Couples with a two-bedroom say that their new sleeping schedules have made their sex life even wilder. Inspiring spontaneous sessions in different parts of the house. When you go shopping for bedding and curtains, it can become more exciting, since each of you can make your own choices for furnishings. Plenty of high-profile couples have slept separately, including Tim Burton and his ex-wife, who once famously purchased adjoining houses. Even a one-bedroom with a den can be transformed with a cozy mattress and a blackout curtain or divider.
Some studies show that people are less attracted to their partner because they snore, and some individuals even considered leaving their relationship. In this case, sleeping in separate beds can actually help save your relationship. No sleep means you’re being grouchier and less respectful to each other, which won’t just kill the mood – it’ll potentially spiral the relationship itself into a black hole. If you’re two people that love each other but find yourselves constantly frustrated due to lack of sleep, consider investing in a mattress to put in the spare room. Or, if there are no spare rooms, consider buying a high-quality pull-out couch.
Dropping the Stigma
Good sleep is an act of self-care – people who approach it with judgment just have some internal conflict that they feel the need to project, so don’t take it personally. Sleep also provides space, which is an essential aspect of self-care. Sleeping together, though it’s a conventional indication of romance, can cause built-up resentment between partners. Sleep is the way that we recharge and restore. If it’s compromised, other parts of our lives will suffer accordingly.
Some couples say that they can’t handle sleeping separately, because they would miss their partners. Just because you’re not sleeping together doesn’t mean you can’t be affectionate, kiss, and profess your love for the other person. For those who have never experienced a blissful night of solo sleep, just give it a couple of nights and see how it goes. You might end up changing your stance on the topic.