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How to Set Realistic Expectations When Online Dating

How to Set Realistic Expectations When Online Dating

Romantic relationships are a normal and healthy part of human existence. Many people today suffer from a lack of confidence, however, which makes building them very difficult. Fortunately, internet dating has taken much of the stress out of finding people to fall in love with or date. All you need is an internet connection and a mobile device, and you can begin finding romantic partners. The best thing about it is that there is no expectation for you to look good because all you have to do is post old pictures of yourself. This post explores this topic in more detail, and will explain how you can set realistic expectations when online dating.

Understand Dating Takes Time

The first thing you need to know is that you probably won’t find a partner overnight. Even if you are using the best dating website you can find, finding the perfect match will still take time. If you go into online dating with unrealistic expectations about how long the process is going to take, you will end up feeling unsatisfied and unhappy. You could be using dating sites for up to a year before you finally feel comfortable deleting your account and committing to one person. There will be a lot of dead ends, false hopes, and dead relationships before you finally find the right person.

Be Clear About Your Goals

You also need to be clear about your goals with the people you end up talking to. If your intentions are unclear, people might unmatch with you. Nobody wants to have their time wasted, do they? Being clear about your intentions can be difficult if you are not a very open person. An easy way to circumvent the inevitable anxiety of sharing your feelings is to write a quick paragraph on your profile and use that as a platform to express your intentions. If you want a long-term relationship, you can say so there.

Focus On Quality Matches

Focus on quality above quantity. A lot of people, especially when they first try internet dating, put too much emphasis on the number of matches they get. In a sense, they ‘collect’ people. It isn’t hard to see why they do this, since a large number of matches can definitely inflate one’s ego. However, your focus should instead be on quality. Anyone who has ever spent more than a week on a dating site will know that it is not uncommon for people to match with them, but never actually talk to or start a conversation with them.

Connections Can Take Time, Too

Another thing you need to know about online dating sites is that building connections with people on them can take time. You aren’t going to find your soul mate in a day, and then get married the next. If you are impatient, you are going to have a hard time using dating sites. This is largely because the people you match with will have matched with other people, too. This means they will be juggling a large number of conversations at the same time. If you do not let your connection build slowly and try to force it, they will go elsewhere in search of a date.

couple sitting on wooden bench

Don’t Idealize People

Don’t make the mistake of idealizing people based on their profiles. A lot of people do this, and it can be very damaging. If you get into the habit of projecting your own desires, wants, and needs onto other people, you are going to end up being very disappointed when you inevitably do meet someone who likes you. Idealizing people is an easy thing to do, especially since people tend to post pictures that depict their lives as being more extravagant than they actually are on their dating profiles.

Tailor Your Communication Style

Everybody has their own unique communication style. If you can adapt and change yours according to whoever it is you are talking to, you will have great success dating. Hanging onto your communication style and letting it imprison you is one of the worst things you can do, because if you find somebody who is otherwise perfect for you, but your communication styles clash, you could lose them.  Try to tailor your communication style as much as you can, but without compromising on your values or things that you consider to be important.

Accept Rejection When It Comes

Rejection is an inevitable part of the dating process, in person and online. If you do not deal with rejection well, online dating may cause you serious distress. You need to come to terms with the fact that sooner or later, somebody will reject you, and they might do it in an insulting way. Accepting rejection when it comes can help you to deal with it better, and strengthen you as a person. Likewise, you will probably reject people in the future. However, it is important to be kind when you do, so you do not hurt their feelings, the same way you would not want your feelings hurt.

Set Realistic Timelines

Set realistic timelines, as mentioned above. If you do not, you could end up impatient and unhappy. Give it at least a few months before you try to take your relationship with somebody to the next level, i.e., meet up in person, unless they are giving signs that they are ready to do this before your predetermined timeline. Most people who are willing to take relationships further early on will be very obvious about this.

Prioritize Personal Safety

Finally, prioritize your personal safety. Don’t make the mistake of entering into a relationship with somebody who is dangerous or exhibits personality traits that might harm you. Similarly, take time to verify the identities of the people you plan on meeting in person, so you do not end up going on a date with somebody who is catfishing you, or who has bad intentions. Always meet in public places, too.

Setting realistic expectations when dating is essential. If you plan to try internet dating, use the guidance given here to ensure you go into it with a clear mind, and a clear heart. Think about each point and incorporate each one into your search for the perfect partner.

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