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What to Do When You’re Questioning Your Sexuality

Questioning your sexuality is totally normal. During this period, there are some essential questions to ask yourself to discover who you are

Are you questioning your sexuality? You are not alone. People question their sexuality regardless of where they fall on the sexuality spectrum. If you’re wondering whether you’re lesbian, gay, bisexual, or asexual, it’s totally normal. 

Not everyone is attracted to the opposite sex.  In fact, in a 2015 YouGov survey, only 46% of youths between the age of 16 and 25 identified themselves as straight. ONS noted a significant increase in people identifying as gay, lesbian, or bisexual, from 1.7% of the population in 2015 to 2% in 2016.

But if you’re checking on ways to help you discover your sexuality, chances are you part of the Queer community. The queer community is a group of people who are not heterosexual. They are not straight, but there are no details about who they are or are attracted to. 

Four Fundamental Questions to Ask Yourself if You’re Questioning Your Sexuality 

If you are always questioning yourself about your sexuality, you need help. However, before seeking outside help, it’s advisable to ask yourself the following questions.

Do You See Yourself Go Down on the Same-Sex?

This is an important question to ask yourself. Is the thought of going down on the same-sex repulsive? Or are you comfortable with the idea? 

If you’re certain that you’re comfortable with the thought, you may start making friends or enter into relationships with guys (or women, if you’re a lady).

If the thought repulses you, it might be you are only attracted to the beauty of the same sex, not necessarily you want sexual relations with them, you know? 

Can You Imagine a Relationship with the Same-Sex?

Is it terrifying or strange to imagine dating a partner of the same sex? Or are you unaffected by the idea? 

If the thought scares you, it might be because you are not attracted to the same sex. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean you are straight. When you are attracted to someone, there is a fear that strikes at the thought of getting intimate with them. 

If you’re unaffected by the idea, it may mean you’re comfortable with the idea, and you are attracted to the same sex. However, it may also mean that you’re not attracted to the same sex.  Besides, what’s more, terrifying than sexual attraction? Either way, it’s a question worth exploring.

Are You Being Influenced by Others?

Are you letting people assume you’re gay because you’re soft? Try asking yourself, if no one was around to judge your sexuality at all, who would you be attracted to? Others shouldn’t influence your sexuality; it’s upon you to reflect on your inner self to discover who you are or are attracted to.

Are You Letting Fear Win?

A lady friend of mine got heartbroken by her boyfriend and decided to date women because she feared men. Well, this worked for some years until she was sexually frustrated and went back to men.

Also, some people are fully attracted to the same sex, but they are afraid to come out because of isolation and hatred. They decide to bury their feelings deep inside themselves.

Either way, people let fear dictate their sexuality. Never let fear influence your love life. If you are attracted to the same sex, go ahead and explore your sexuality. Don’t be scared of what people think or say because there is nothing scarier than living a life that is not yours.

Questioning Your Sexuality? – Ways to Handle Your Sexuality

It can be intimidating to validate your sexuality when you haven’t come out. If you question how and when you’ll feel validated in your sexual identity, below are some ways to go about your sexuality.

Be Honest with Yourself 

An identity crisis is totally normal when you’re in the process of accepting your sexuality. Many questions will linger in your mind, don’t worry, that’s normal.

Always follow your heart. If your inner self tells you where you lie in the sexuality spectrum, go with that, irrespective of other people’s opinions.

Questioning Your Sexuality – Talk to Others in the Queer Community

If you’re already certain about your sexuality and you’re willing to explore, it’s a validating experience to talk to people who have already walked down that path. Opening up to such people also provides a safe space to honestly express your sexuality.

If possible, join online groups and connect with family and friends already in the queer community. Saying your sexuality out loud in a safe space can be very liberating.

You Don’t Need Labels

If you’re in the process of accepting your sexual identity, labels can be a bit scary. You don’t have to label yourself right away or ever.

Your sexuality remains whether you have labeled it or not. You are not a product that is required by law to be named.

Questioning Your Sexuality – Move at Your Own Pace 

You may not be ready to come out to friends and families yet, as you may not be in a position where you feel safe opening up about your sexuality. 

Though it’s hard hiding a part of who you are from the people you love, if you aren’t ready, just don’t do it yet. Remember, there is no expectation or pressure for you to come out.

Explore Your Sexuality

When in a safe environment to explore your sexuality, just go for it. Download Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or Grindr, and begin venturing into your sexuality. 

Choose whoever you want to date, but make sure you’re transparent to your partner about what you want and where you are in life. 

Are you Questioning Your Sexuality – Bottom Line

Questioning your sexuality is totally normal. During this period, there are some essential questions to ask yourself to discover who you are, such as, can you date someone of the same sex? Are others influencing your sexuality? etc.  

Also, while discovering yourself, be honest with your feelings, move at your own pace, and lastly, if you’re confident, explore your new sexuality.

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Samuel Njoroge

AUTHOR: Samuel Njoroge

Samuel (he/him) is a freelance writer, blogger, copywriter, and marketer. And a career spanning three years and enjoys crafting error-free content that increases subscriptions and sales. Samuel excels in mental health, self-improvement, technology, and marketing topics.