Each one of us needs acceptance and understanding – validation. But you should also learn how to validate yourself since other people cannot always validate us. It’s a good feeling when you are praised and appreciated and told how well you’ve done. It’s normal to want validation from the people surrounding you. Be it your parents, spouse, friends, or co-workers.
However, you should not rely on external validation only. You should believe in your ability even if no one validates you. Most people constantly check social media posts for someone to approve them. While external validation is important, self-validation is essential in ensuring you do not question your worth. Relying on other people to make you feel good, you allow them to dictate your worth and how happy you will be. If you are unsure how to validate yourself, read along to know more.
What Is Self-Validation?
Self-validation means accepting your thoughts, decisions, feelings, and other things concerning your life. The primary purpose of validation is to accept and understand your frame of mind for what they are, not justify them. Self-validation ensures that you love and understand yourself better. Self-validation includes:
- Saying good things about yourself
- Encouraging yourself
- Prioritizing your needs
- Acknowledging and accepting your feelings
- Accepting your mistakes
- Acknowledging your effort, strength, successes, and progress
Comparing yourself with other people, self-criticism, not prioritizing your needs, and judging yourself harshly are not part of self-validation.
Why Is Self Validation Important?
Just as you are likely to feel good when other people validate you, self-validation is essential in making you feel stronger and empowered. Self-validation reminds you that you’ve done your best regarding your situation and how to go about it without needing external advice. In the current world, it’s easy to concentrate on the negative side of life, but self-validation keeps you focused on the bright side. Instead of waiting for other people to validate you, validate yourself to avoid the heartbreaks of a lack of external validation. After all, no one understands you more than you do.
How to Validate Yourself
Increase Your Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is important when validating yourself. You are aware of your capability and weaknesses. Therefore, you can validate yourself genuinely without dishonesty. Ensure that when validating yourself, you are mindful of the whole truth.
Be Proud of Yourself
Whether you’ve achieved a lot in life or are yet to realize your dream, be proud of yourself. In most cases, people tend to self criticize themselves if they haven’t made it. But remember, if you are not proud of yourself, it’s hard to validate yourself and even harder for other people to validate you. As long as you work hard in school or work, being proud of yourself is important in self-validation.
Do Not Judge Your Feelings
When things do not go your way, it’s normal to feel angry and frustrated. If this happens, relax and avoid judging your feelings. Study your feelings and accept that that’s how you are currently feeling. Avoid telling yourself how to feel since you have the right to different feelings. Take time to comfort yourself as a caring partner, parent, or friend would.
Practice Positive Talk
Concentrate your mind on things that you are proud of in your life. It may be something you have achieved or are working on. View it as an accomplishment and a fulfillment to help you see your life positively. Congratulate yourself and tell yourself that you can do even more. While everyone needs a good job to feel fulfilled, even small things like helping someone do something are to be proud of.
Know What You Want
It’s important to know exactly what you want to validate yourself. Take as much time as you need to search for what you want in your life. Be gentle and patient with yourself. Knowing what you want will prevent you from making mistakes and help you realize your goals without too much hustle. As we all know, a successful person will likely get validation externally and internally.
Surround Yourself with Positive People
Surrounding yourself with positive people who make you feel well motivates you. You are sure that you are less likely to be judged negatively and can achieve much with their help. Positive-minded people help you feel energized and in a good mood. On the other hand, spending much time with critics can lower your self-esteem, making it hard to self-validate.
How to Validate Yourself
Acknowledge That You Gave Your Best Shot
It’s normal to lose, but losing makes us feel like we are losers. Tell yourself you gave your best shot to avoid feeling low and like a loser. Whether you haven’t passed your exam or didn’t qualify to get the job, do not let some sounds inside you tell you that you will never make it. Even if most people around you may think that you could have done better, assure your inner self that you did all you could. Accepting your failures will help you deal with external criticism.
Treat Yourself as You Would a Friend
What would you say to a friend who needs a shoulder to lean on? Or to the one who feels down? Maybe you’d say, “It’s okay.” That’s how you should treat yourself. No matter what you go through, assure yourself everything will be okay.
You can also validate yourself by noticing your achievements and writing them down, taking a break when you are tired, and treating yourself- not because you’ve earned it but because you need to take care of yourself. Remember, though external validation is required to feel happy, internal validation is maybe all you need to feel even happier.