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What Is Demisexual?

Demisexual is a person who feels sexually attracted to someone with whom they have an emotional bond. As the prefix “demi” means half, these people are half sexual and half asexual

Demisexual is a person who feels sexually attracted to someone with whom they have an emotional bond. As the prefix “demi” means half, these people are half sexual and half asexual.

Demisexuality can also be a type of graysexuality, whereby a person may have rare sexual attractions but may not be interested in sexual activities.

Demisexual individuals do not experience primary attraction, meaning they are not attracted to someone they just met; instead, they experience secondary attraction – they get sexually attracted if there’s an emotional bond.

What Kind of Bond is Needed for Demisexual to Be Sexually Attracted?

The emotional bond may not be necessarily romance or love. For some demisexuals, it may be friendship, including platonic friendship. In some cases, they might not have romantic or platonic relationships at all.

Does It Need a Label?

This type of sexual orientation describes who demisexuals are attracted to – they are only attracted to a selected group of people. Most people argue that to have sex with someone, they need to have an emotional connection first. Of course, they are right as most people prefer to have sex with people they already have bonded with – whether it’s marriage, trusting friendship, and so on.

You can be sexually attracted to a person and choose not to have sex with them, and you can have sex with a person you are not sexually attracted to.

Demisexuals are not the type to wait for an eternity before they have sex because it is not about having sex; it’s about being sexually attracted.

That being the case, demisexual persons may take some time before they have sex with their romantic partners, but this is not about their sexual orientation.

Can Gender Orientation Be Applied To Demisexual?

Sexual orientation labels such as bisexual, homosexual, or pansexual refer to the gender or genders of persons that a particular person is attracted to. However, demisexuality is different since it describes the nature of a person’s relationship with the people they are attracted to. It’s also right to use a description that refers to gender orientation.

So the answer is yes. You can be demisexual and be pansexual, heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, among others.

Can Demisexual Experience Other Forms Of Attraction?

Yes! Demisexual individuals can experience other forms of attractions such as:

  • Romantic attraction
  • Emotional attraction
  • Platonic attraction
  • Aesthetic attraction
  • Sensual or physical attraction

How Is Demisexual Different From Graysexual?

Demisexual persons only experience sexual attraction towards people they have close emotional bonds with, while graysexual people rarely experience sexual attractions.

Demisexual individuals may experience sexual attraction often with a high intensity as long as it is with people they are close to.

When graysexual people experience sexual attraction, it may not necessarily be with people with whom they are close.

Do Demisexual Desire Sex?

Sex activities and sexual attraction are two different things.

A demisexual may experience sexual attraction towards a person with whom they are close and not desire to have sex with them.

As mentioned, you can choose to have sex with a person you are not sexually attracted to or choose not to have sex with a person you are sexually attracted to.

Are Demisexual and Sapiosexual The Same Thing?

Demisexuality and sapiosexuality have some similarities. The major similarity is that a sapiosexual person has a limited number of people to whom they are attracted, the same case as with demisexual people.

However, the difference is that a sapiosexual person is only attracted to intelligence. In this case, the emotional bond does not count much.

What Does Demisexual Look Like In Practice?

Being demisexual looks different to different individuals. However, a demisexual person relates to the following:

  • Lack of sexual attraction towards new people
  • Sexually attracted to people you are close to
  • Your sexual attraction towards people depends on the emotional connections
  • Do not have thoughts of having sex with people you do not know well.

You may not experience these scenarios and still be demisexual.

Myths and Misconceptions About Demisexuality

Demisexuality does not mean that someone is afraid to have sex. Demisexual persons do not feel sexually attracted to people they do not have an emotional bond with.

Demisexuality is also not related to religious or moral beliefs about sex activities. It’s a sexual orientation, not a choice.

Some people think that demisexuality is a sign of low libido, that is not true. Just like anyone else, once in a sexual relationship, demisexuals have different levels of sex drive. Some may have frequent sex activities while others may not. Demisexuality only refers to attraction experienced by a person, not how often they have sex.

A common misconception about demisexual people is that they need to be in love with a person to be sexually attracted. Demisexuals require connections such as close- friendships and not necessarily romantic relationships.

A choice to engage in sexual activities with people you’ve known for quite some time does not mean you are a demisexual. Demisexuality concentrates on the attraction that comes before sexual relationships.

How To Support Them

Maybe a friend or a family member has opened up about being a demisexual; it could also be someone you are romantically attracted to. Whatever the case, it’s advisable to be accepting and patient. Of course, if you are sexually attracted to a person who does not reciprocate, the feelings can be hurting. But, if you still want the relationship to work, you need to be more patient.

Sexual identities continue to evolve day in day out. This is evident regarding the term demisexuality, which made its way in the English language in 2006 and has quickly gained popularity with lots of people identifying with it. If you are demisexual, you may feel like you don’t belong to the world, but you shouldn’t. It’s better to be yourself rather than to fake.

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Samuel Njoroge

MODEL: Samuel Njoroge

Samuel (he/him) is a freelance writer, blogger, copywriter, and marketer. And a career spanning three years and enjoys crafting error-free content that increases subscriptions and sales. Samuel excels in mental health, self-improvement, technology, and marketing topics.